A Sister's Bond

 A Sister's Bond

    As Laila, her sister Mia, and their mother Helen made the 20-hour drive from Colorado to Washington, the mountains and abundance of trees and greenery helped distract Laila from why they were on the drive in the first place. The radio in the car was playing “Here Comes The Sun” by the Beatles as 14-year-old Mia sat in the passenger seat playing Tetris on her Game Boy. Laila sat in the back seat with the window slightly cracked, taking in the euphoric smell of nature that surrounded her. Their mother Helen drove silently, fidgeting with the necklace their dad had given her almost a decade earlier. A look of defeat, heartbreak, and frustration covered Helen’s face, making her look almost unrecognizable to Laila. As she tried to think of something to say to help comfort her mother, she watched as her mother’s unrecognizable face let a single tear fall down her cheek. Although they all wanted to pretend they were fine, none of them actually were.

    Growing up, Laila wasn’t naive to the fact that her dad had abused their mother. For the first eight years of Laila’s life her mother tried to hide the abuse from her and Mia, and she did a fairly successful job. If Laila ever noticed a bruise or saw her mother in pain, Helen would always chop it up to her being overworked, exhausted, or a clumsy mistake. But one night when the girls came home early from dance class, they walked in to see their dad standing over top of their mother’s battered, unconscious body. After a few minutes of being unconscious and Mia frantically calling the neighbor over for help, their mother came to and decided that would be the first and last time the girls would ever watch their father do something so heinous. Helen never wanted the girls to hate their father for how he treated her, and she knew the only way to prevent that was to leave after what had happened that night. Despite the abuse Helen suffered from their dad, there was always a piece of her that wouldn’t allow herself to fall out of love with him. It confused Laila, but so did many other things in her personal life, and she figured the drive to her dad’s funeral wasn’t the time to be contemplating things like that.

    “How much longer ‘til we’re there?” Laila asked, wondering if that was an inappropriate question to ask on such a drive.

    “I think about two hours sweetie.” Helen replied. She looked at Laila in the rearview mirror and gave her a sort of half smile that Laila knew meant she loved her. Helen barely had enough money to make the trip to Washington, let alone stay overnight in a motel, so the three had woken up at four in the morning to begin their drive.

    “Do you think we could stop for a snack? I really want some-”

    “Oh. My. God.” Mia interrupted as she turned to face Laila in the back seat. The calmness in Mia’s voice prepared Laila for the volcano that was about to erupt inside her sister.

    “Well, aren’t you selfish! I love how we’re on our way to our dad’s funeral and you're thinking about snacks. Snacks! How can you be concerned about hunger when in twelve hours we’re going to watch our dad’s dead body be lowered into the ground! How can you-” Mia’s voice trailed off as crying replaced the sound of her yelling.

    When Mia began yelling at Laila, Helen had pulled off at the nearest rest area, and by the time Mia had started crying, Helen was parked, unbuckled, and consoling Mia. As she held Mia in her arms, brushed her fingers through her daughter's hair, and whispered kind, uplifting words, Laila sat silently in the backseat, returning her gaze out the window.

***

    While Laila sat in her therapist's cozy yet intimidating waiting room, she wished she had never started these sessions in the first place. Even though she hated doing things that made her unhappy, she hated being labeled a quitter more, so she decided to stick it out. There were other, more important reasons why Laila had decided to see a therapist, but she wanted to ignore that reason for as long as she could. The waiting room was painted a greyish blue color with all sorts of plants and flowers lining the floors and windowsills. There were various different couches and chairs, all of which varied in color, shape, and size. When Laila was looking at therapist reviews online, she made sure to find a place that didn’t resemble a doctor’s office or a psych ward, and this was the first place she found.

    “Laila, it’s so nice to see you again! Please, come on in.” Claudia said as she opened the door and gestured for Laila to enter her even cozier office. As the two situated themselves in their seats across from one another, Laila directed her attention out the large window which overlooked a breathtaking city view below.

   “How have you been since the last time I saw you? Any news you’d like to share?” Claudia asked.

    “I’ve been fine. Same as every other week.” Claudia adjusted the glasses on her face as she looked through Laila’s chart. Laila tried to distract herself from the anxiety that folder gave her, and she feared her answer was the one Claudia was hoping for.

    “Last time I saw you we ended talking about your father’s death. Do you want to continue discussing that today?”

    “Sure. What do you want to know?” Laila asked. Despite being hesitant to attend therapy, she knew sitting there and beating around the bush would be not only pointless, but boring, and neither sounded appealing to her.

    “Well, last time we were about to talk about your life after the funeral. How did things change in your day-to-day life?”

***

    For Laila’s 12th birthday, her first birthday without her dad, she asked Helen if her best friend, Emily, could go to the roller rink with her, followed by dinner at a fancy restaurant and a sleepover in the living room. Helen had to pick up a few extra shifts at the bar to cover the cost of the restaurant, but she happily earned the money and told Laila her birthday plans were a go. The morning of Laila’s birthday, Helen greeted the girls with pancakes, bacon, and smoothies, all of Laila’s favorites. After the three finished eating, Laila went straight to the bathroom to get ready for her big day. As Laila put on fruity-scented lip gloss, curled her long, blonde hair, and put on her favorite outfit, she finally felt a sense of real, true happiness for the first time since her dad had passed away.

    “Mom, can you come check and see if I curled all the pieces in the back?” Laila yelled from the bathroom as she flipped her head from side to side, trying to see if she missed a spot.

    “Mom’s doing my hair, I already asked!” Mia shouted from their bedroom before Helen had a chance to say anything back.

    “It’s not your birthday, so it’s not about you today!” Laila yelled back. Normally she let Mia have her way because it was easier that way, but since it was her birthday, she felt she deserved a day all about her for a change.

    “Yeah, it’s not about me, but I asked Mom first so you’re gonna have to wait!” Mia screamed. Before she could yell anything else, the sound of Helen’s footsteps hushed the girls immediately.

    “Jesus, I can’t even clean up breakfast without you two fighting with each other! I’ll do everyone’s hair if you both just stop fucking yelling and get out here!” Helen screamed from the hallway, louder than both the girls’ screams combined. Both girls did as their mother said and waited in awkward silence until Helen decided to speak again.

    “I know you’re both a little on edge because this is the first birthday we’ve celebrated since your dad’s funeral, but I want you both to get along so we can have a wonderful day. I can tell you two haven’t been yourselves in a long time, and I want that to start changing. Let’s just try and have a fun day, how does that sound?” Helen asked, trying her best not to sound irritated.

    “Have fun? Are you kidding me? I’m spending my Saturday with my little sister who seems more concerned about her hair than the fact that our dad isn’t here to celebrate her birthday. I feel like I’m the only one who cares he’s gone.” Mia said as tears flooded her eyes. She quickly ran into their shared bedroom and slammed the door, locking it behind her.

    Helen knocked and pleaded with Mia to open the door and let her in, but all that was heard in return was the sound of Mia crying. After hours of no success, she told Laila that they would have to wait her out. She didn’t want to leave Mia home alone so upset, so Laila had to skip the roller rink and ended up ordering takeout for dinner. Emily never got to come over and Laila never found out if she curled all the pieces of hair at the back of her head.

***

    “Life didn’t change much for me after the divorce. I wasn’t close with my dad when I lived with him, so when we moved away, our relationship pretty much stayed the same.” Laila said as she focused her attention on her severely chipped fingernail polish.

    “Why do you think you never had a close relationship with him?” Claudia inquired as she scribbled in her notepad.

    “He worked early morning shifts, so he was always gone before I got up for school. He always got off work before school ended, but he loved to go to the local dive bar and drink with the regulars, so instead of picking us up he would get trashed with all the other nobodies of the town. By the time he would stumble home, I would usually be in bed, and if I wasn’t, my mom would send us to our room as soon as he got inside. It wasn’t until I got a little older that I realized why she made us go to our rooms every time he came home drunk.” Laila said as her throat began to tighten, holding back tears she didn’t want Claudia to see.

    “Because he would abuse your mother when he was drunk?” Claudia’s asked.

    “Obviously.” Laila snapped back.

    “Why does that make you angry?” Claudia asked without a beat. As Laila thought about the questions and why it made her so upset, she almost didn’t realize she was crying and spilling her heart out to her therapist.

    “How could I have been so naïve? I would sit with my ear pressed against the door every single night they fought to try and figure out what was going on. My dad would cuss and scream, and sometimes I would heard him break a glass or a door, but never once did I think he was hurting her. If I would have just opened my door and gone out there I could have stopped her pain a long time ago. I could have done so much more.”

***

    “I’m coming, loser! Wait for me!” Laila yelled as she raced out of the apartment to catch up with Mia.

    When Mia turned seventeen, she decided that high school boys were no longer cool, so she started going to frat parties with some of her friends at a nearby college on the weekends to meet older, “hotter,” guys. At one of the many parties she attended, she met a guy named Jaxson who soon became her boyfriend. He was a senior studying business, and because he was old enough to go to the bars, Laila always assumed that’s why he never came over to their apartment.

    “I know I said I didn’t want to do anything tonight, but I changed my mind. Where are we going?” Laila asked as she got in the back seat of one of Mia’s best friends car.

    “You picked the perfect night to come, Laila! I hope you’re ready to have some fun!” Tracey, Mia’s best friend, chirped excitedly as she turned around to hand Laila a flask in the back seat. As Laila hesitated to take the flask, wondering how much trouble she would get in if her mother found out she was drinking at fourteen, Mia turned around to look at Laila.

    “It will be fun, I promise. I won’t tell, and I promise to take care of you. Just take it, don’t be a buzz kill.” There were very few times when Laila felt like her sister was being sincere, and this was one of those times. As she took the flask from Tracey and looked back at Mia, her sister gave her a wink, turned around, and cranked up the volume on the cars radio. After driving for about an hour the three arrived in the parking lot of a sports bar Laila had never seen before.

    “You brought them, right?” Tracey asked as Mia shuffled through her purse.

    “Yup, right here.” Mia flashed two fake ID’s that fairly resembled the two.

    “What about me, what am I gonna do?” Laila said, hoping they didn’t have a solution. Laila looked nothing like a 21-year-old, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to remember the information on the ID if she was put under pressure.

    “Jaxson’s gonna hook us up, right Mia?” Tracey teased as Mia’s face began to turn bright red.

    “Shut up, I haven’t told them yet.” Mia whispered, still loud enough for Laila to hear in the back seat.

    “Told us what? Come on, you can tell me. You’re keeping my secret, remember?” Laila said as she raised the empty flask. The two fought more than they got along, and when things were good between them, Laila tried everything she could to make it last for as long as possible.

    “Jaxson’s my boyfriend. He’s a little older than mom would like, so that’s why I haven’t told her yet. Jaxson also thinks I’m twenty-one, which is why I got these fake ID’s. He works at this place and has been wanting me to come visit him for a while, but I haven’t had a fake until tonight.” Mia said as she reapplied her lip-gloss in the rearview mirror. Before Laila’s alcohol blurred mind could think, words just started flowing out of her.

    “Holy shit! And why would mom care, you can’t do anything wrong in her eyes. You’re her golden star!” Laila sat up and began mimicking Helen’s voice.

    “My precious little Mia is the most amazing person in the whole world! No, wait, the whole universe! I don’t care if she gets bad grades or skips school because no matter what, she’s my princess.” Laila finished her rant with a round of applause to herself. Tracey started giggling before Mia quickly whipped her head around to stare down Laila.

    “You think you’re so funny, don’t you ya little shit. My life’s been anything but easy, and I’m allowed to mess up sometimes. Mom always has my back because I always have her’s. You however only look out for yourself and are one of the most selfish people I know. I can’t believe I thought for a second that you could hang out with me and be a nice, normal sister. You’re-“

    “Shut up, Mia! If anyone’s selfish it’s you! Anytime anything is about me, you always find a way to turn it around and make it about you. I let you walk all over me, yet you always think you’re the victim. Just go get drunk with your loser boyfriend who doesn’t know your age. I hope that turns out fucking terrible.” Laila interrupted with an anger she’d never felt before.

    “Don’t come inside and don’t leave the car. We’ll be back later bitch.” Mia said as her and Tracey got out of the car, slamming their doors and locking the car behind them as they laughed and walked into the bar.